This poem is part of the Misogi Challenge I set for myself in July. You can read more about it here. And if you’d like to read more of the writing I’ve posted for the challenge head over to my Substack homepage.
If I Should be So Lucky
I am not holding my breath.
I have been twice blessed.
Three times seems greedy.
But, I can’t help think,
what if I should be lucky
enough to love again?
Will I live in fear that he
too will depart and leave
me a three times a charm
parody of love?
What becomes of twice
widows and widowers?
Those of us who spin the
roulette wheel and win
only to lose again and again?
Who will take a chance
on a black widow?
My son half jokes
I should get a spider
tattoo commemorating
my late husbands.
Of which one is his father.
Gallows humor has
gotten us through the
worst of times.
If I should be lucky enough
to be gifted a third chance
at love, he will need a
strong constitution.
I am a lot.
My past is littered
with the stories and tales
of those I’ve loved.
I have not forgotten them.
They are imprinted and as
permanent as any tattoo.
They live in conversation,
recurring references, woven
Into my memories of events
and moments shared.
As present as the living.
If I should be lucky enough
to find someone who loves me
as well as the first two,
I will love unreservedly.
I will go all in,
relish the experience,
build memories and a life.
It is the only way I know how to love.
If I should be so lucky.